“You are born complete, you die complete, and you decide whom you spend your time with in between.”– Colin Wright

Over the summer, I read a small but powerful book about relationships, written by a guy I know named Colin. I found a lot of value in his words and really took the book to heart for a couple of reasons: 1) a trustworthy friend told me it’s the single best book on relationships he’s ever read; 2) Colin’s overt satisfaction with his life is authentic, and I have to think it’s because it’s based on principles that simply put, make a lot of sense.

Some Thoughts About Relationships consists of a set of short chapters, each one identifying a different relationship “policy.” The book covers nearly every aspect of relationships, from clear and open communication, to debunking societal myths about “finding The One”, to shared values, and is such a quick read that almost anyone could tackle it cover to cover in 48 hours or less. I think it would be a great guidebook for couples to read together, but I personally found immense value in reading it alone. In short- there’s something there for everyone.

The opening quote of this post, from a chapter called “The One“, really struck me. Particularly as we get older and more aware of what we’re really looking for in a relationship, I think a lot of us question what’s out there for us. I’ve wondered that myself, especially over the past year of dating and meeting a handful of people who were perfectly nice but who just didn’t seem like the right fit. Sometimes I couldn’t quite pinpoint why exactly, but just felt instinctively that it wasn’t who I wanted to bring into my life as a partner. I realized (with a bit of relief) that a big part of it is that I already really enjoy the life I’ve been cultivating for myself. Are there times I miss being with someone? Of course. Have I still put myself out there in order to remain open to meeting someone? Sure. It’s a natural human instinct to seek connections with others.

But it’s not about filling a void or settling down with someone just to avoid being alone; it’s also not about finding the person who fits every criteria on a checklist. It’s realizing you aren’t lesser if you’re not in a relationship. If you’re doing what makes you happiest in life, and living your passions, being authentic to who you truly are, YOU are enough. And once you get into that headspace, and decide that whatever you do every day, you’re going to do with all your heart — it becomes enough. Best case scenario? Maybe in the process of living a happy, full life on your own you’ll meet someone else who’s also doing just that, and maybe the two of you will fit beautifully together. Worst case scenario? You live a life of meaning that feels complete regardless of who you do (or don’t) decide to bring into it. But the choice is yours. You are already complete. Choose wisely who you spend your time with in between, and find your own happiness without relying on anyone else to do it for you.