Well. It’s not quite that far, but it’s certainly going to feel like it, especially at first. My one and only is getting ready to graduate and head off to college in South Carolina this fall, and I’m pretty sure he’s taking my heart and soul with him. And I can practically hear him reading that line and saying, “Really, Mom? Don’t you think you’re being a little dramatic?” But as anyone who has had their first (and last) baby fly the nest will tell you– there’s no such thing as being too dramatic. It’s really, REALLY freakin’ hard. These past few days I’ve felt like I’m simultaneously soaking in every last beautiful, golden second, while also wearing my heart on the outside of my body. It feels like all of my nerve endings are exposed.

There are so many things I want to tell him and simply not enough time. With the hope that he actually reads his mom’s ramblings (and maybe even absorbs some of it), here goes.

Dear Ryan,

My smart, kind, funny, always sensitive Ryan…where do I start? Watching you grow up has been the absolute privilege of my life. No, seriously, don’t roll your eyes. I mean it. And not just that, but getting to see you through the lens of the people who have known you for 5, 10, 15+ years who are asking themselves the same question I’ve been asking myself, which is this: How is it humanly possible that he’s graduating?? This sweet little kid who used to be obsessed with whales, dolphins and sharks, and taught me the difference between teeth and baleen (whales have baleen, apparently) is all grown up.

It’s hard to believe it was almost four years ago exactly that we danced to Jason Mraz at my wedding, playing 20 Questions as we danced (do you remember the answer?)… and even though it wasn’t that long ago, you were still shorter than me, and I felt like we still had a million more moments together before you headed out into the world to start figuring things out for yourself.

Through those moments–all of them–the good, the best, and the trying, I’ve had two constant wishes for you. That you find lasting happiness and peace, and that you grow up continuing to be kind. With that, I want to give you a few pieces of advice, off the cuff, in the hopes that some of it might stick with you and help you embody those things I’ve wished for you, and so much more. Although, it’s fair to say you don’t need my advice–you’re doing pretty well on your own, and have always been an amazing, caring, thoughtful human. But one day you might realize that a few of these Mom Wisdoms have snagged in your brain somewhere, and hopefully you’ll smile.

So, here goes… my advice to you, as you graduate and spread your wings:

Be kind.
There is nothing more important in this life than to treat others with kindness and respect. Even when you don’t feel like it. Even when you’re having your own bad day. Even when someone cuts you off in traffic or snaps at you to get out of the way in the freezer section. Be kind. You never know what’s really going on in someone’s life, so try to remember to give others a bit of grace, and appreciate that a little kindness and patience might actually make all the difference to someone else.

Find music.
You’ve already done quite a bit of musical exploration and have actually taught me MUCH more than I ever thought I’d know in my uncool middleage-dom about trap, rap, and hip hop. Seriously. I challenge any other 43-year old Oakwood mom to name more current rap artists or their albums, or understand terms like 808s, high hats, claps, samples, and features. I take pride in my ability to understand what you mean when you say, “Kendrick’s about to drop and he only puts out bangers.” Thanks for having patience with me, and for entertaining my very real desire to connect with you through music, even if it’s not my playlists we’re listening to. But music is vital to me, and has played a huge role in my life in a number of ways, including in recent years when I’ve bonded with you over your newfound love of rap. I hope you’ll always find a place for music in your life. It has the ability to teach, heal, remind, and inspire. Don’t forget that.

Respect opinions other than your own.
This can be challenging. Part of being intelligent is thinking you’re always right about everything. But remember that you actually aren’t always right (humbling, I know), and respect that other people have had vastly different experiences than you. They have feelings, habits, and preferences based on their own upbringing, education, culture, relationships, and struggles that you might not only find unfamiliar, but compelling. Stay open to others’ opinions; it’s how we grow.

Remain flexible.
Things don’t always go according to plan. In fact, they typically don’t. The faster you can accept this as reality, and ask yourself what you can/need to/should do now, and pivot accordingly, the less stressed out you’ll be. Go with the flow. Focus on being solutions-oriented and don’t dwell on things you can’t change.

Appreciate your health.
Yes, college means plenty of late nights and treating your body like a playground at times (I’ve had my fair share of Taco Bell at 2am), but try to squeeze in a vegetable here and there, don’t do drugs, and drink plenty of water (yes, I know there’s water in beer, but it’s not the same thing). Also just MOVE. Appreciate the fact that your body works the way it’s supposed to and that you have the luxury of being able to run, jump, dance, swim, etc. One day you’ll be 40 and pull a muscle sneezing. Enjoy your health now, and don’t take it for granted.

Chivalry isn’t dead.
Treat any potential significant others, casual dates, and female friends with absolute, unwavering respect. Listen, ask questions, be considerate and honorable. Even little gestures go a long way. I consider myself a fairly progressive female, but that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate having doors opened for me, or being walked home, given a sweatshirt if I’m cold, or dropped off at the door when it’s raining.

Be a real friend.
You’ll find your people in college. And when you do, be a true friend. There will be times when you’ll yell at each other and disagree about things. But be forgiving, and know that some of the people you’re about to meet will be with you for the rest of your life. And that’s so incredibly huge.

Look outside.
This can mean a lot of things. Go be with nature sometimes. But also look outside yourself and your immediate bubble. The world is a big, awesome place. Don’t forget to explore it.

Laugh at yourself.
You will do something stupid and embarrass yourself. Probably multiple times. But that’s inevitable and the sooner you learn to laugh at yourself and move on, the faster you’ll recover and the more secure you’ll eventually become.

Fear is normal.
But don’t let it define you. You and I are a lot alike in that we both get gut-wrenchingly nervous about new things. Like honest-to-god-sick-to-your-stomach with anxiety. Trust me, I get it. But usually the things that scare us the most are the things we really need to do, deep down, for the betterment of ourselves, someone else, or the greater good. Fear is OK. Explore it, learn from it, don’t run from it. Learn to be bold.

Forgive yourself.
We all make mistakes. But–and I cannot stress this enough– it’s SO important to be able to be kind to ourselves and let go of things we regret. The first step of that is to acknowledge your mistakes and own them. No one is perfect, I can tell you. Take responsibility for what’s yours. Apologize when you need to. And then forgive yourself. You deserve your own grace.

Speak up.
There will be times when you witness something happening that is wrong. Or you might be asked to do something that goes against what you believe. Don’t stand for it. Speak your mind, be true to what you believe in your heart is right, and hold your head high. Aside from situations that are potentially dangerous or life-threatening (please be smart here), don’t be afraid to stand up for what you believe in or speak up for someone else who may not be able to.

Call your mom.
Of course I ended with this one, ha. No, seriously. Don’t forget to call home from time to time. And more than that, just remember that you have so many people who love you and will miss you every single day while you’re away. The house will not be the same without you. But know that no matter what day it is, what time it is, you can always, always, always call, text, FaceTime, or just show up. Wherever you go, you can always come back home.

I have loved you since before the first time I ever saw your face (your tiny furrowed eyebrows told me so much about you), and I will love you long past when I forget what Kanye’s best album was (funny, it’s probably Graduation). Bottom line: I hope I’ve done an OK job so far, and I absolutely cannot wait to see what’s next for you.

It’s been you and me for so long, kid. Now it’s your turn. Go be amazing. Go be YOU. Learn to fly. I’ll always be here, cheering the loudest for you.

Love,

Mom