This is a two-parter.

There are a number of ways closure plays a role in our lives. One way is in intimate relationships. Why is it so important to be able to close the loop in relationships that end? Why is a clean slate so imperative in order to get to a place where we feel emotionally ready to move on?

When we have an open circle- a loose end- we have a metaphorical “open door” to some degree, which allows for change or opportunity to come back through that door. And when there’s an opening like that, things tend to either escape from it or subtly work their way back into it. Sometimes the door is just left open, and we wait. For what, we might not know. All we know is that something isn’t quite finished yet. And that’s a treacherous place to be.

I went through a rather unpleasant breakup a few weeks ago that was the immediate result of an argument. We fought, he left, and there was an ugly loose thread that was left there, unfinished, waiting for someone to do something with it. There was no closure, just an open wound. What followed was a few days of emotionally-charged communication and finally a resolution to decide with “clear heads” whether we wanted to fight for the relationship or let it go. Clear heads prevailed, and we decided at that point to fight for it. We loved each other and wanted it to work. So for the next few weeks we tried harder. But over that time my mind was working overtime…it was filled with self-realizations, questions, and doubts, and I wondered if we really had what it took to make things work over the long haul. After some careful thought and deliberation, I decided with a heavy heart that our lives were in very different places (literally and figuratively), so we sat down, we talked for an hour, and decided to go our separate ways. Were there tears? Yes. Was it painfully difficult? Yes. But all endings are, to one degree or another. But the next few days were surprisingly easier to deal with emotionally than the first breakup had been- because we had closed the loop. We had actually talked about the reasons why it wasn’t working. We said we loved each other, and wished each other happiness going forward. We gave each other the gift of closure. And there is a certain peace that comes from that simple act, that can’t be achieved without it. There is grace in the ability to decide what you need to be happy in this life, and gently walk away from situations that are working against that pursuit, knowing you made the right decision.

Strangely, later that same day I had another experience involving closure, in a situation that I wasn’t even aware I needed to close the loop on. It involved several people from my past who had faded away as other relationships changed- alliances were tested that probably didn’t need to be there in the first place, but were there nevertheless. These people were part of who I was a few years ago and part of a life I had made for myself then, but we had casually and without hard feelings “fallen out” with each other. I hadn’t realized that I had missed them until I saw them again. I could actually feel the gaps filling in as we talked and caught up on our lives. I felt my heart fill up with a familiarity that I had missed, and it was nice to feel like we had come full circle. I left that evening with a kind of peace that only comes from feeling that the universe had guided me into a situation I needed to have in order to close a loop… and be able to move on with a full heart.

Don’t underestimate the comfort in closing loops. Knowing what’s in your heart is the first step, but actually seeing it through takes courage. But the only way through the tough stuff is, well, through the tough stuff. And the more closure you can achieve with those situations, the more likely you are to stick to your guns and see things through to the end, with your head high and your heart strong.