“How are you feeling?” he asked. I paused slightly… then said, “In what way, exactly?” Even though I knew what he meant. He wanted to know what was in my heart at that moment. I had to laugh because this wasn’t the first time he had picked up on something I was feeling before I knew how to put it into words myself.

I recently read about an expression used in many Muslim cultures when you want to ask someone how they are doing that involves the word “haal,” which translates to “the transient state of one’s heart.” So, when you’re asking someone about their haal, you’re asking them how they are doing in their heart, in this exact moment, at this very breath.

It’s an interesting expression and unlike the more banal salutation, “How are you?” the meaning of this word haal inspires me to stop, turn my attention inward, and listen to myself- to seek the honest truth of what is in my heart. Over the past five days I’ve experienced something I can’t quite put into words, and frankly I’m not sure there are words to describe it. But regardless, I don’t want to forget this feeling- the transient state of my heart, in this exact moment.

Someone said recently that getting to know me restored his faith in humanity, in the sense that it reminded him there are people in this world we are drawn to, who we connect to in ways that restore our faith in each other as human beings. And all I could think was Yes. That’s exactly how I feel. Which is a sentiment that crosses my mind frequently when we talk. Throughout our lives we meet thousands of people, many of whom we have something in common with- which explains why the people in our inner circles are just that. We have found certain things in others that we enjoy, find value in, or are attracted to on one level or another. But rarely, if you’re one of the lucky ones, you might find someone who draws you to them just by being exactly who they are, in their most genuine state, and you find that you understand them in all the ways you always wanted to be understood yourself.

I’ve been in a handful of close relationships throughout my life. I’ve taken positive things from each one, have grown and learned from them, and at times felt content-but I’ve never felt entirely understood or valued for who I am at my core. Even if things were “good,” it still always seemed like we saw the world just differently enough to not really fire on all cylinders as a couple. Maybe we had idealized visions of who we wanted each other to be that weren’t quite in line with who we actually were… or maybe we didn’t really know ourselves. And until you really know who you are, and love who that person is entirely, you won’t find anyone else who truly understands you either.

Until recently, I wasn’t convinced there was anyone else out there who is made of the same unique fabric, who by nature just gets me– someone who essentially reads the words that are written on my soul, and repeats them back to me.

There is beauty in knowing someone who can do that – someone who can speak your language, not based on where you live or grew up, not because of shared experiences, but based on who you are in the deepest, realist sense because they look at the world through similar eyes. There is comfort in someone asking how you’re feeling, not because you said or did anything in particular, but because he had a hunch that at this moment, for whatever reason, you needed him to ask. And he isn’t asking how you feel physically; he’s asking How is your heart in this very breath? 

To realize that type of deeper connection requires a couple of things: 1) you have to pay attention to the world around you, tune in and be open to those rare, beautiful chances, and 2) you have to first know yourself. Know what you stand for, what drives you, what you’re all about. There is peace in being able to listen to and recognize what is in your heart, in this exact moment. And when that knowledge of self is deeply ingrained within you, and you’re living your life in ways that are true to that sense of unique purpose, you recognize it immediately when you see it in someone else. You understand each other without having to explain why. You communicate openly, sometimes even without words. You feel supported and loved just for being. You don’t feel the pressure to be anything or anyone you’re not. You are your best self, and you continue to feed the best in each other, encouraging the other person to simply be who they are. And it’s magic.