With the holiday season in full swing and the spirit of giving (more than we usually do) in the air, it naturally follows that this is a pretty good time of year for reflection, introspection, and…forgiveness.  Yes, I said it. So the question is: who do you need to reach out to?

Today I’m having lunch with an old friend I haven’t spoken to in a year and a half. Something happened between us that hurt me deeply, and I have been holding onto that hurt and resentment for way too long. For the last couple of weeks something unexplainable has been tugging at my heart, telling me it was time to make this right. So I reached out; I made the decision to let it go, bury the proverbial hatchet, and move on with an open heart.

I no longer believe in holding grudges. I just don’t. I’m not naive; I know that things don’t always go the way we plan or hope. But if there’s one thing I have learned -sometimes the hard way- is that holding onto negativity or “burning bridges” in situations where you feel disappointed, hurt, or angry doesn’t lead anywhere good. Feeling angry or hateful doesn’t give us (or anyone else) more happiness.  It doesn’t make our lives better to hold onto the feeling of “being wronged,” merely on principle. Stubbornness doesn’t add value to our lives. All it does it close us off; it hardens our hearts. Negativity breeds negativity. Anger spawns more anger.

Fact: things don’t always go the way we want them to. There will be heartbreak; there will be friends who leave us for seemingly no reason; there will be people we trust who do unspeakable things to us. And those things cause crazy amounts of pain. But holding onto that pain only prevents us from experiencing as much happiness as we deserve. When you harbor resentment and bitterness, you can’t usher more joy into your life because there simply isn’t room. I’m not saying we shouldn’t learn from those experiences so we can try to avoid repeating patterns and unhealthy relationships- we absolutely should take an honest look at those situations in the hopes that we can take something away from them and be better for it.

But there comes a time to just let it go. I read this great quote the other day that spoke to me exactly when I needed it to: At some point you have to let go of what you thought should happen, and live in what is happening.