Status report: all hitched up. 🙂

What started as 8 months of planning turned into weeks, then days, then dwindled into a few short hours. And after all the prep, anticipation, adrenaline (and a last minute root canal) we headed to Chicago for a foggy yet lovely June weekend, where we celebrated our nuptials with 79 of our closest family and friends. It was a complete and utter blur, but after an incredible wedding, followed by 8 glorious days exploring Kauai, we’re finally home again and catching our breath. And while I’m exhaling, I’m reliving everything and trying to capture it all in still frames in my mind.

During the months leading up to June, I swear time periodically stood still. I irrationally feared that my dress wouldn’t fit, or that I might end up perpetually lost in a sea of Pinterest boards, color swatches, and email threads with vendors– it felt like the day I had created a hundred times in my mind would never come. I wondered if maybe this was all just a really long, crazy dream, and morbidly even mused, “What if there’s a huge tragedy and we never actually make it to June 10th?” Yes, that’s how my mind works sometimes. It goes a little overboard. It does what it wants.

I think most brides experience a certain degree of pre-wedding stress, and worry that despite the best laid plans, something huge will go awry (however unlikely). I’m sure that’s what some of this was. Some of it was also the bigger-picture fear that I wouldn’t do any better at being married this time around. Fortunately, I squashed those doubts by acknowledging that I am not the same person I was 15 years ago, that Paul is the best man I’ve ever met, and that our relationship is completely unique in every way that matters. We are different together, therefore this will be different. It’s pretty simple.

So, as the fog lifts from my post-wedding brain, I’ve been doing an event postmortem (maybe that’s a bad choice of words for a wedding–how about recap?), and I figured since I’m in the wedding biz, I’d share my thoughts from a professional standpoint on what I would have done differently as well as the things I’m ever-so-glad we did.

And through all of it, I’ve remembered to keep my focus on what really matters (we’re happily married, yay!). Unfortunately, it’s easy for couples to lose perspective during all the frenzied planning, family drama, and petty arguments that tend to come up during the course of planning a wedding. And trust me, there will be drama, and there will be petty arguments. Particularly in the week or two before the big day. It will happen. Just accept it. But don’t let it define you.

Breaking down the details, there are a few minor (and a couple major) things I would have done differently:

• Don’t use clear acrylic signs. I put a ton of time into designing and creating these, but despite being super cool in theory, they were really tough to read in practice.
• Go through your “must have” photo list to make sure you nail them all. I realized too late there were a few big ones we missed in our hurry to finish up photos and join the party.
• If you don’t want people using their phones, make that crystal clear. Rather than taking video or photos, we just wanted people to be there. And the last thing most couples want in their professional photos are a bunch of wedding guests watching the ceremony through the lens of a camera phone.
• Build more time into your reception. The single biggest regret I have is not having enough time to just be present with everyone. From a planning perspective, it’s nearly impossible to ensure plenty of time to chat, dance, and catch up with everyone. But I sincerely wish we had somehow had more time to just soak it all in. Despite our best efforts, between dinner, the cake cutting, dances, photos, and toasts, it felt like we ended up with only about 45 seconds to talk to each guest. And then, in the blink of an eye, it was over. If you have the option, try to have your ceremony earlier and add 1-2 hours at the beginning of the reception. Having more time at the front end is priceless; it allows plenty of time to take post-wedding photos and still mingle with guests before dinner. You can also cut the cake and have the first dances early as well, allowing for more time after dinner to celebrate with your guests, not to mention observe and enjoy all the details you worked so hard to pull together. You deserve to bask in the glow.
• Hire someone you know and trust to perform the ceremony. I won’t go into a lot of detail here, but some of you have already heard my tale of woe about how our long-winded reverend used the wrong wording during the most important part of the entire ceremony, and we ended up repeating generic vows neither of us had chosen. Sure, no one in the audience was the wiser, but WE knew, and it was pretty disappointing. I strongly recommend you discuss with your partner ahead of time what kind of ceremony you want, and what sort of vows speak to you personally, and then make sure the person you hire is someone you are 100% comfortable with. If you have any doubts whatsoever, listen to your instincts and go in another direction. Trust me, this is one thing you can’t take back once you’re standing at the alter.
• Have your DJ announce the late night snack if you have one. Most of our guests totally missed the Chicago style hotdog bar since it was off to one side and never announced. Not a huge deal, but still a little bit of a waste.

And now for a few things I’m so glad we actually did right:

• Don’t count on the weather. Yes, the odds of it being 72 degrees and sunny in June are pretty good. But there’s also the chance you’ll have unprecedented fog. We decided a couple months ago to forego a “first look,” giving up along with it our chance to have epic downtown Chicago wedding photos, all because we couldn’t predict the weather– and I’m so glad we did because we would have been mighty disappointed.
• Allow more time than you think you’ll need for hair and makeup. We started early and never felt rushed, and everyone still looked amazing by 5:30.
• Let people help if they offer. I’m a planner by nature, in fact some would call me a control freak, so this was particularly challenging for me. However, I will be eternally grateful to a handful of people who went above and beyond to make my life easier that weekend by insisting on delivering stuff, making sure we had food and drinks while we were getting ready, and tearing down after the reception.
• Breathe. My nerves kicked in about 5 minutes prior, and as I stood there weak in the knees in front of everyone, I told myself to just breathe in, breathe out. I could literally feel myself relaxing as I held Paul’s hands, and before I knew it, it was just me and him, and I felt as strong and calm as if we were the only two people in the room.
• Splurge on the thing that gets you the most excited. For me, it was the flowers. As I sat at dinner, gazing out from the enchanted garden of our head table, I got my wish- I felt like we had brought the outdoors inside, and it was pure magic.
• Take a day to relax before the excitement begins. We spent Thursday boating with family and made sure we didn’t do a single wedding-related thing that day. And it was glorious.
• Let the planning go, and enjoy yourselves. At a point, you’ve done everything you can to make sure things go smoothly. Now let it go, and pay attention to where you are and who you’re with. You won’t get a second chance to live through those moments that fly by at warp speed– grab onto them.
• Let your family know how much you love and appreciate them. We made a point to do this at the rehearsal dinner. We wouldn’t be who we are without our family and friends, and figured there’s no better time to let them know than when we’re pledging our love for each other as well.

One final reflection… At the end of the day, no matter what went right or wrong, we are just as married. We had an incredible weekend full of people we love, and if I could bottle it all and save it to sip on later like a fine bourbon, I would. I’m counting on our friends and family to help us relive those moments for years to come through photos, reminiscing, and stories.

When it comes right down to it, it doesn’t matter that the fog was so thick that day we couldn’t see 10 feet in front of our faces, much less the view of the Chicago skyline we had so looked forward to. It doesn’t matter whether the candy buckeye favors melted or not (they didn’t). It doesn’t matter that we were so busy with photos that we never got to enjoy the hors d’oeuvres or cocktails we painstakingly picked out, because at least everyone else did. What matters is that we promised to spend our lives together, we had one hell of a party with the people we care most about, and we are lucky enough to have made all of that happen.

But the best part is what happens next. Because it’s after the wedding that the good stuff really begins.